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THE IMPORTANCE OF QUESTIONING AND LISTENING

 

Regarding the Questions and working with them: Some of the questions on this website may seem meaningful for you, and some may not – but the truth is that if you don’t make decisions about your own death, someone else will. Working with these question will take some of the confusion out of this for your family, friends, and other supports. I have also found that working with these questions is an interesting and rich experience, bringing people close and creating warm feelings and creating easy and natural conversation. I have asked all the questions to my friends who were dying, and it was an eye opener and created great conversation.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: If you are helping someone and they don't want to talk, that's ok too! Everyone has their own comfort level. Some people have already worked these things out! I have found people in self-reflective groups, like AA and NA have worked through many of these questions already. Always leave the door open to conversation but never force it.

NON JUDGEMENTAL LISTENING:

If you’re working with someone who is facing end of life, make sure you ask YOURSELF these all of these questions as well. Practice non judgmental listening on yourself and on others. Do not have an agenda with anyone you are helping, except to find out what they want and how you can help. If you, or anyone is uncomfortable with the questions, skip them and come back later if you feel like it.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR: (TRY NOT TO DO THESE THINGS)

Do I have a bias I about these questions?

Do I have an agenda?

Am I trying to convince them of something? 

Am I jumping to conclusions?

Am I thinking about my response before the person has finished talking?

Am I interrupting with questions, or finishing their sentences? 

Do I hear what I want to hear and am I close-minded to what disturbs me? 

Am I trying to solve their problem?

Am I trying to change their mind? 

Am I thinking about other things while listening? 

Am I fidgeting?

Am I playing with my cell phone? Am I texting? Am I multi-tasking? 

 

 

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Marcie Vallette

mvallette@hotmail.com